Break the Pattern Keeping You from Being Your Best Leadership Self

leader break the pattern

Many of us feel at times as if we are impersonating a leader rather than working out what it means to be ourselves in a position of leadership. Instead of covering up those underdeveloped areas, great leaders learn how to be the best versions of themselves in the leadership moments that matter. Because organizational culture is made through the shared experiences of its people, empowering individual leaders to step forward more authentically becomes a catalyst for positive culture change.

Take now-retired host of The Daily Show Jon Stewart. His story about the early years of his career offers a lighthearted but incisive description of what happens when you take a learner’s mind and experiment with the connection between who you are and what you aspire to do: “Sunday night through Thursday night it was me and drunk Dutch tourists in a basement in the Village…. I went on every night and I learned the difference between impersonating a comedian and being a comedian. And that was my break. [It] was learning how to be authentic. Not to the audience but to myself.”

Recognizing that “who you are is how you lead” enables you to take immediate steps toward your authentic leadership. As I discussed in that post, concrete actions, such as pressure-testing the clarity and integrity of your values, give you an opportunity to pinpoint gaps in your actions.

Within each gap there are often subtle patterns of thought and behavior that limit your authenticity — I call these “authenticity filters.” They take on many forms and often look healthy or positive at first, when really they are flaws. For example, maybe you are considerate of others’ feelings and take care in how colleagues perceive you. This is important, yet if you invest too much energy into being liked and start holding back just to please others, you’ve created an authenticity filter that will rob you of your leadership voice and the opportunities that it brings.

Because organizational culture is made through the shared experiences of its people, empowering individual leaders to step forward more authentically becomes a catalyst for positive culture change.

Regardless of what your roadblocks to authenticity may be, documenting the patterns that keep them in place is the first step toward a truer expression of who you are in the moments that count.

Aarush was a rising leader who found himself holding back his point of view. He was new to meetings in the C-suite and the combination of increased pressure to perform and a few difficult personalities in the room made it challenging for him to contribute freely. Staying silent was adversely affecting his reputation, and after a few meetings he was given sharp feedback to “step it up.”

Aarush knew that restraining his perspective was limiting his authentic leadership presence, yet he didn’t know how to flip a switch to start confidently expressing his own ideas or pushing back on others’. He sensed that he was getting in his own way, and he wanted to step back to gain perspective.

To see a bigger picture, and ultimately get to the root cause of what was happening, Aarush completed a 10-minute exercise to map the “trip-wire pattern” that kept him stuck. Starting with a simple list, he brainstormed then charted the familiar sequence of actions he found himself unwillingly repeating.

aarush trip-wire pattern c

The first action was the intention/expectation that he should be speaking up more. After all, he had a seat at the table and wanted to use it. From there, he used items 2 through 4 to capture the rest of the sequence.

After a few simple revisions, Aarush had an accurate map of the authenticity filter that was undermining his leadership. Looking at the trip-wire pattern on paper also allowed him to take a step back and see each of the moving parts with more objectivity. Aarush reflected: “I can see it much more clearly now. This is just one pressure-packed cycle where the more I hold back, the more pressure I put on myself to have something brilliant to say, which only leads to more pressure — and more silence in the moment.”

The key to changing any underlying pattern of behavior is to spot the opening where a different response can trigger a shift in the status quo. Once he accurately mapped the pattern and reflected on its impact, Aarush was ready to disrupt it and turn it around. He chose to focus on step 3, because he realized a big assumption — “Whatever I say has to be brilliant!” — was hiding behind his choice to stay silent. Replacing this old assumption with a different mindset could inspire a new behavior, so he challenged himself to think differently.

Armed with this knowledge, two powerful thoughts helped him regain his authenticity: “I’d rather be real than right” and “Connecting the dots to ask a good question is enough to keep me in the conversation.” Over time this mantra, as well as the ability to notice moments where the old pattern began to reassert itself, allowed Aarush to relax and be more confident. Confidence was the catalyst for removing the authenticity filter that was diminishing his impact.

To map your own trip-wire pattern and discover your authenticity filters, follow these instructions:

  • Focus on one improvement you want to make as a leader, then answer the question: What’s getting in the way of making the change?
  • Write up a step-by-step list and document the sequence of actions that typically occurs and prevents you from making the change.
  • Edit the sequence until it feels accurate and consistent with your experience.
  • Answer the question: What can I do differently to shift the pattern?
  • Once you have an answer, identify the step where you can apply that shift and begin making the change.

Once you’ve documented your trip-wire pattern, you’ll be better positioned to learn who you really are and how to bring the best of yourself to moments of influence with others. And, as you and other leaders courageously step forward, it will set a tone for authentic engagement in your organization’s culture.

I welcome your thoughts in the comments section below. 

 

 

Adapted and reprinted with permission from strategy+business.  © 2017 PwC. All rights reserved. PwC refers to the PwC network and/or one or more of its member firms, each of which is a separate legal entity. Please see www.pwc.com/structure for further details. www.strategy-business.com

Like the content? Sign up for more…It’s FREE!

Our Privacy Guarantee: Your e-mail address will never be shared with anyone else. Education only, no selling of products or services.

Jesse Sostrin is a director at PwC’s U.S. Leadership Coaching Center of Excellence, and is the author of The Manager’s Dilemma (Palgrave Macmillan, 2015). He writes and speaks at the intersection of individual and organizational success.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • Marlene Chism

    Jesse,
    I love the practical method of uncovering the tripwire to create a new behavior. Great article!

  • Jacqueline Le Fèvre

    It is amazing how often we turn out to be the person in the way of who we could be – thank you Jesse. One of the ways I have found people can come to see their trip wires in a new light is by diving deep into their personal values hierarchy and using that as a way in to surfacing the limiting beliefs beneath.

    Two big ones that crop up again and again holding people back are ‘Being Liked’ and ‘Social Equilibrium’ (which is about doing what is necessary to maintain a peaceful environment). I always say that there is nothing wrong with any value and each value that we prioritise is there are a reason.

    Values come in to our sense of how the world works to do a job/serve a purpose……but, as time marches on we reach a point where we have learned what we need to learn – for example rapport building skills. However, the value still hangs on in our unconscious sitting at the front of the bus giving directions when it would be better for our peak performance if it sat at the back making way for some other more creative or expansive aspect of our personal framework to take greater prominence.

    “Control of consciousness determines the quality of life” Mihaly Csiksgentmihalyi – from Finding Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience